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65 – About Relationships

Hi there. You are listening to either the Perio Patient Podcast or the Perio Hygienist Podcast, podcasts for my patients or professional colleagues and anyone else who cares to listen. My name is Dr. Ben Young, and I am a periodontist in private practice in San Antonio, Texas. The title of this podcast – which ever one you might be listening to – is: “About Relationships.”

Welcome if this is your first time listening. Otherwise, welcome back.

As I have repeated many times, I try not to be constrained by a particular topic, but I do want what I share with you on a Podcast I have called the Perio Patient or Perio Hygienist Podcast to in some way relate to people who at times are patients or treating patients.

What is not usually spoken within the context of treating people, or being treated, in a healthcare setting – is how do we make decisions? Sure, money enters in. Is treatment affordable? Is the treatment recommended the best, or are there other alternatives? That’s the spoken part because the economics plays an important role. But the decisions necessary to come up with the best care have to go deeper than that. And this is what I would like to talk with you about first. I will end by talking about relationships – and, at least in my own mind, it all ties together, so let’s go.

I believe we are at a social tipping point – the biggest one in any of our lifetimes. The last time I think we as a nation, as well as a world, were in this much danger, was preceding and during World War II. There are a few left who remember that time but not many. This means none of the rest of us have experienced anything like what that was – when nations were warring against nations – until now. And now, it’s very different in appearance – not as obvious this time as it was back then. This time around it is a different kind of warfare but with the same sort of objective. Will people be able to continue to live free in the West or will they be taken over, possibly through massive debt, to essentially become slaves and pawns of a new (actually old) way of governance – a new world order. And here is why it is relevant to your healthcare and therefore to this podcast.

There are basically two forms of healthcare in the world.

One is based on the idea that the human being is priceless as a creation of God. This comes out of the
development of western civilization. When this is believed and trained into those in healthcare, then decisions are focused on best practices regardless of cost.

This is not to say that cost is not important, but the objective is to not give people different qualities of care based on cost. This is an expensive way to treat people, but it is based on the idea that people by their very nature are worth it – are valuable, are precious – and this system only thrives when those in power, including medical and dental people, believe they are answerable to a higher power – and I’m not talking about the government. It also is only sustainable when the economy is thriving because then charity operates with an adequate donor base. Charity, unforced, flows out of the same belief that we are all made in the image of God and are called to love one another in very practical ways.

The other way to provide healthcare is to let the government operate it. And may I say, those who believe most in the idea that government is the answer to all our problems, believe least in the idea that we are all made in the image of a supreme loving being we call God.

When government replaces God, cost control becomes the most important aspect of healthcare – not health and care — and a two-tier system automatically forms with the few who are in charge obtaining outstanding healthcare and the rest having to accept whatever those in power decide they wish to provide the masses. If you would like to see an example of this, look at the Affordable Care Act legislation and see who is exempt. You will find that Congress has a different medical system exclusive to themselves.

If this system continues to expand and become normalized, expect specialists to disappear for those forced to be treated within government-run healthcare.

There will still be a few specialists, but they will not be available for most in need. Expect, the education of healthcare workers to lowered in quality and expect physicians and dentists – because of their expensive training — will in many ways be replaced by others who are trained at less cost. Healthcare will become more of an assembly-line and because it will fall under government control, expect legal rights to be removed as well. When they say that everyone has a right to healthcare, what they are not telling you is what the quality of that healthcare must be – as long as everyone – with the exception of the elite – are treated equally, that’s all that matters, right? Also, there will be limits to treatment options depending on how valuable someone is to the state. Those with severe disabilities or who have retired will find their healthcare drastically reduced and at this point, if it benefits the state, anticipate greater normalization to end of life measures accomplished by those who once were dedicated only to saving lives and doing no harm.

If all this sounds dark to you, it is because it is – but I think it is reality and so I want it to become the backdrop to talking about relationships.

You see, in this form of warfare – involving disinformation and control of free speech – the objective is to isolate people from each other. It is to interfere with the healthy relationships that promote the general well being of our society. As enemies both foreign and domestic attempt to control us through methods of fear and manipulation, the peaceful counter-attack is for we the people to re-establish our connections with those closes to us first and then build out from there. By talking and sharing what we are learning, thinking and even fearing with others we will quickly find that our numbers are greater than theirs – and that what we are thinking actually makes a lot of sense – something usually not given much credit to the population at larger by those sitting in places of power.

Also, we will begin to rediscover just how amazing a free nation is and remember why it is free in the first place. We are free because our founding documents declare we have certain inalienable rights – meaning these rights can never be removed – why? Because they constitute are fundamental human rights – rights because we are human, not because we were given them by government. We will begin to awaken once again that we the people have the power over government and not the other way around – but we the people have to communicate with one another locally and begin to work together to make sure at every level – school board, city and county governments, professional societies, even churches that have gone off the track, all the way up to state and federal governments – are all brought back under appropriate controls – founded on common sense, rational thought. But here is my concern, when it comes to rebuilding relationships – especially following all we have been through with lockdowns and mask mandates and the rest. That we will not give one another enough grace in the process. My point is that it is impossible that any two of us agree on everything. We don’t. We won’t likely ever. So how can we come together?

So let me read you something I wrote a while back that I entitled: All Failures in Relationships. It’s something I wrote to ponder ideas that were new to me at the time. For this reason, I will read it slowly with some pausing, possibly repeating, so it will help you digest it. All failures in relationships are failures in self-control. Let me explain. The reason there will always be failures in relationships is due to the fact I can’t control others, even when I think I can – and still have anything close to love between me and them. I can’t manipulate, coerce, threaten or withdraw to get what I want and, at the same time, enjoy the feelings of contentment, peace and love that only come when others out of their own choices decide to act loving toward me.

I can work on being lovable, but not on forcing love out of others. The best proof of this is how I hate to be manipulated by others as their test for me of my affection and devotion. When I freely love another then at the same time, I get to enjoy the positive feelings of love rather than the negative feelings when I think I’m being played. 

It takes major self-control to resist deeply analyzing the behavior of anyone other than myself.  Does this mean I must avoid the obvious poor or weird behavior in others? Absolutely not. But what it does mean is that I need to work on avoiding wasting time by attempting to analyze what I cannot ever know, like the question, “What were they thinking?” They might not even know themselves in all honesty. 

Arguing is a clue that I am not listening and that I am not comfortable enough just yet in my own skin. I should be able to disagree calmly. If I can’t, then I think I’m having a self-control problem – and that’s something – perhaps even all – I can work on effectively.

That’s it. Let me know what you think.
This has been both the Perio Patient Podcast and the Perio Hygienist Podcast and I am still Dr. Ben Young. If you like this podcast, feel free to like and share. Also, if you have questions, don’t hesitate to drop me a line. Thanks for listening. We’ll talk again soon. Bye for now.

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